How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. ----------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. ----------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ----------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..." ----------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ----------------------------------------- Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. ----------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ----------------------------------------- What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. ----------------------------------------- I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. ----------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. ----------------------------------------- Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ----------------------------------------- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Two guys walk into a bar to grab a beer. Guy looks at his buddy and says, "Damn, you know I had the wierdest slip of the tounge the other day. I went into this travel agent's office, and behind the counter was this woman with the biggest damn breasts I ever seen. What I meant to say was - 'I'll have 2 tickets to Pittsburg please.' But what actually came out was - 'I'll have 2 tickets to Titts-burg please!' " He chuckles, "Damn, I felt embarrased." "Yep," his buddy answers, "I know what you mean. Just the other morning, me and my wife were at the kitchen table, and what I meant to say was 'Can you pass me the butter please?' But what actually came out was 'You fukcing b!tch, you're ruining my life!'
Why did your wife cross the road? --------------------------------------------------------- Who the Fuck cares! The better question is, what is she doing out of the kitchen?!
hehe... I showed my wife this thread... She just groaned all the way through (well, she actually thought some of them were funny ) It's funny, because she's been dreaming of this $3500 silver Rolex watch with a pink face for about a year now, saying "...someday!"... So now I'm just telling her that "I'm not buying you any watch, now"... To which she's twice fallen for today and said "Why do you say that?" "...because there's a clock on the damn stove!" :lol:
see there is the perfect Gag when you/if you buy her that watch, take it out of the box, Place a Old "oven" type digtal read out timer in the rolext box, and give her that...... Now that picture would be priceless
see there is the perfect Gag when you/if you buy her that watch, take it out of the box, Place a Old "oven" type digtal read out timer in the rolext box, and give her that...... Now that picture would be priceless [/b][/quote] definitely got to give that one a go for valentines day geo! ....that is, considering you get her the watch. Another one I heard recently: Postman's last day on the job, heads out to do his route for the last time. Some of the people on his routes have gifts waiting for him, knowing that he is retiring. One of the people gives him a card with $300 in cash. At another house, he recieves some home made apple pie. He is showered with cards, gifts and money for the whole day, being as he was such a good postman. Then he comes to the last house on his route, the house of the dumb blonde. As he goes up to drop off the mail, the blonde opens the door in some sexy langerie and asks him if he would like to come inside. He accepts, they go upstairs and have passionate sex all night long. He wakes up in the morning to find that the girl has cooked him breakfast... steak, eggs, bacon and hashbrowns. Well impressed, he sits down to have his meal, and notices a $5 bill under his cup of coffee. "Wow last night, this breakfast... this is all so great, but what's the $5 bill for?" he asks. She answers, "Well, yesterday I told my husband it was going to be your last day on the job and I asked him what we should do for you. He said "fukc em, give him a fiver." "The breakfast was my idea."
$3500 watch for valentine's day? Who do you think I am, Donald Trump? That's more of a 10 year anniversary present or something... I'll start saving now. :lol: And besides, she actualy would rather save for it herself... and damn if she hasn't damn near done it already... I'll tell you, I wish I had her saving habits... but then again, that's why she basically manages our finances, the exception of my checking and savings account (never really got into that whole joint-account thing... we've got two sets of joint accounts! ).
