Let's see them. Mothers have mothers day,, fathers have fathers day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday
Cop pulls over a blonde for speeding...Like 90 in a 45 zone... the blonde asks "What did I do Officer?" Seeing the obvoiusly "blonde" disposition of her, he whipps out his dick... Blonde says..."Oh no...not another Breathilizer...it's my 3rd one this week."
this duck waddles into a bar and asks the bartender..."Ya got any gwapes?" The bartender scowls and says..."No." the next day, the duck waddles back into the bar and asks the bartender..."Ya got any gwapes?" the bartender says "NO!!" the next day the duck reenters the bar and asks the bartender..."Ya got any gwapes?" The bartender yells "NO dammit, and if you come in here again and ask me for grapes, I'll staple your flat little feet to the floor!!!" The next day the duck waddls into the bar and asks the bartender "Ya got any staples?" the bartender says "...uh...no..." The duck says "Good. Ya got any gwapes?"
As part of his parole agreement, Mike Tyson has to go back to school > and finish grade 5. This is Mike's Ebonics homework assignment. He must > use each vocabulary word in a sentence. > > 1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody. > 2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good. > 3. Catacomb - I saw Don King at da fights the other night. Man, > somebody get that catacomb. > 4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose. > 5. Rectum - I had two Cadillacs, but my bitch rectum both. > 6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss > disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint. > 7. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said > penis. > 8. Israel - Tito try to sell me a rolex. I say, "Man, it look fake." > He say, "Bullshit, that watch Israel." > 9. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho in the apartment undermine. > 10. Acoustic - When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and > took me to the pool hall. > 11. Iraq - When we got the poolhall, I tol' my uncle, "Iraq, you > break." > 12. Stain - My mother-in-law stopped my and I axed her, "Do you plan > on stain for dinner?" > 13. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "how much?" she say, > "fortify". > 14. Income - I just got in bed wif a ho and income my wife.
CIRCLE FLIES A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?" The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said--"Well yeah, if that's what they are--I never heard of circle flies." So the farmer says--"Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse." The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey, wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horses ass?" The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses ass." The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though.
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk just sits there. Finally the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk replies, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either."
a duck walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if he has any condoms. "Sure Bobby, do you want that on your bill?", asks the clerk who is his friend. so the duck says, "what kind of duck do you think I am?"
