Shit Pranks

Fun Times with Crap – by M.R.

According to Webster’s Dictionary, shit is defined as an act of defecation. According to the same source, prank is listed as a mildly mischievous act. Combine the two and the result is a shit prank. What exactly is a shit prank you ask? I think it is pretty self-explanatory. But for those of you who can’t comprehend putting two words together and using your imagination, I shall explain. A shit prank is a joke you pull on a friend or a very stern enemy (don’t do it to people you only kind of know because the repercussions could be serious). It involves taking a crap in an unsuspecting place in your friend’s (or enemy’s) house, like the bathtub or the sink. Once the egg has been laid, sit back and enjoy the fun. Each of the shit pranks has a name. If you come up with one that we did not list, feel free to name it yourself. Furthermore, if you can come up with a better name than ours, send us an e-mail and we will debate it at the next shit prank board meeting. So, for all you cacophonists out there, I present to you, in no particular order, the top ten shit pranks.

10. The James Caan. Take a crap in the center of an empty bathtub. Don’t turn on the water. This prank only makes sense if you have seen the movie “Roller Ball.” For the younger generation, perhaps we should call it the Chris Klein, or the LL Cool J. Those two were the stars of the remake of “Roller Ball.” Leave the curtains open when you finish this one because roller rinks don’t have curtains.

9. Gorillas in the Mist. Poop in the shower, near the back where the water doesn’t reach. Aim the shower head down and turn on the shower as hot as the water will go in order to create a steamy affect, or the mist. Leave the curtains or the door closed. This one should take them by surprise. If you don’t understand where this one gets its name, your fucking retarded and should just stop reading. In fact, get off of our site and never come here again.

8. The Burn Out. This poop is not for chicks, high school students, retards, or fat people. Also, you probably want to administer this one to someone you don’t know, or absolutely hate. DO NOT DO IT TO A FRIEND. My friends dad told me this one, but I gave it its name. Without being noticed, turn on your victims oven to broil. Once the oven has reached its proper temperature, open the oven door. Next, take a shit on the inside of the over door, right on top of that stupid window. When your crap is completed, slam the oven door as hard as you can and get the fuck out of there. The shit will splatter all over the inside of the hot oven. It will then start cooking and the entire crib will smell like hot shit. You could call this one The Nelly because of the “hot shit” and because “is gettin’ hot in her.”

7. The Dry Dock. This is a classic. Behind the toilet there are two knobs that control the water supply to the toilet. Turn those knobs off. Remember, righty-tighty, lefty-loosey. Once this has been done, flush the toilet once. By doing this you are flushing out all the water in the toilet (this means that the bowl will not fill up again). Wait a couple of minutes for the moisture to evaporate, then shit as usual. Your crap will stick to the side of the toilet and flushing will do no good. Just like a ship coming into port for repairs, this bad boy is no longer afloat.

6. The Latte. Fill the sink with steaming hot water. Once the sink is full and the water is scolding, shit in the sink. This produces the latte effect. Be careful not to burn your ass with this one. On a side note, if you have diarrhea and feel the need to do a shit joke, this would probably be the best one for you.

5. 2000 Flushes Brown. Anyone who has ever used a john knows that there is a lid that covers all the bits and pieces inside the toilet. It is located directly behind the seat. When you take this lid off, you see water, some chains, a ball looking thing, and some other metal shit. This is where the water is stored before it returns to the bowl after a flushing. If you have ever used 2000 Flushes Blue, you know what I mean. The tablet goes in this part of the toilet and the water keeps coming out blue. For the purpose of this prank, you want to remove the lid and take a crap in the water. Each time your victim flushes the toilet, it will come out brown, hence the name.

4. The Lost Dolphin. Fill up the bathtub with cold water. Once it’s full, shit in the cold water. The piece of shit represents a dolphin that has made its way into unfamiliar water. Its normal home is the toilet. Poor little dolphin.

3. The It’s It. The one is pretty nasty and requires you to get your hands a little dirty. The lid on the toilet seat should be up and the seat should be down. Take a fat, nasty crap on the toilet seat. All of the poop must be on the seat. If any is hanging off, push it on the seat (it’s your poop girl). Try and get it as close to the outer edge as possible. Once your dropping is positioned correctly, gently close the lid to the toilet. This should smush the poop and create an It’s It effect (crunchy cookies on the outside, soft ice cream in the middle).

2. The Mummy. Take a crap on the top of the lid to the toilet. Once this is complete, cover the fallen soldier with toilet paper. He has officially been mummified. This is also a good surprise. There is a good chance that your friend or foe won’t find this until the next time they clean their bathroom. Please do not think of renaming this the Brendan Frasier (he is just plain shit). Although, it would be funny to take another poop across the bathroom, say on the edge of the tub, cover it in toilet paper, and call it The Mummy Returns.

1. The Sniper. This is my personal favorite which is why I saved it for last. Close the bathroom door and lock it. Once the door is closed, take a shit behind the door on the ground. You want to place your shit about where the doorstop would go. Try and point your shit towards the toilet. When you leave, open the door so that it hides your new buddy. The next person that uses the bathroom (hopefully it’s a girl), will sit on the toilet seat and have a chunky ass crap peering at them. The shit will have them in its crosshairs like a fat chick on a twinkie. I guess if you shit in someone’s trunk you could call it the sniper as well. BANG! You’re dead.

Use these wisely folks. They can either be really funny, or they can get you the beating of a lifetime. I take no responsibility for any circumstances that may arise do to the use of the above shit pranks.

I’m out like shit…hahahaha!

 

When I was 15 my friend took a shit in someones shoe. Its a very long story but it was mere retaliation for the other kid pissin in his shoe first, LOL. Memories...